How do you tell the other parent that contact is stopping?

[redmama1]

Hi
You probably know how much I appreciate your comments-that's the point of this! I might write some of your words on a piece of paper to read when I get a bit overwhelmed...
I was a bit surprised (use diff words there) with lady at CSA...when you first call they are very supportive. And this sure as hell isn't the CSA you hear all the noise about from non-custodial parents (read:Dads in the main) moaning about!! My sister said to me that if you're on Centrelink payments your CSA contribution is taken automatically-is that true in your experience? If so, what the hell? If its assumed when you're on payments why not all? Personally, if you are genuine, I can't see how any dad would argue against a direct debit of child support. If you will always pay...
Re grandparents: I have spoken to them at length. They will only see the little one if Dad does. They don't want to upset him. And will therefore forfeit a relationship with their only grandchild despite my pleading. In a way, that's how come he is how he is. They only do what won't 'upset' him. So. Sad. But I have come to realise that if they are that weak and put Dads EGO before grandchild (won't talk about parent type behaviour, stop him doing dumb stuff, writing to me saying how wrong and presumptuous I am about my inflated sense of parental ability!!) then maybe they aren't ok to trust to manage that. They adore my little one, I know that without a doubt, but they baby their son and would rather believe his stuff. Easier for me to be a twisted villain, I suppose.
Thanks for your words. Again, it really helps.

[Saska]

Hi Redmama1, I think it shows what its all about that the grandparents wont see their grandchild without their son. I mean, why not? Also, you would think he would be keen for them to see his child even if he cant. Shows its all about him and not the child. These parents who continue to baby their sons into adulthood do them no favours. Spoilt brat adults who have never had to grow up and be told 'no' do not do well in relationships and society often. As you say, this is his problem. About the CSA, do you mean are payments automatically taken from the payer if you get centrelink help? They are not, but your centrelink assistance is cut down, depending on how much child support you receive. If the CSA has done an assessment for you and you are not getting it, they should be able to look at getting it from his wages if you know where he works, but it takes a while it seems. You can see from the threads here about CSA how frustrating and incompetent people find the CSA no matter what their situations are. Glad you are getting support here. Its good to have poeple who understand and who have been there too.

[redmama1]

The latest is that he asked me to mediation after stopping child support...he also uses bpay, how stupid is that option.
I went to mediation (round 3) to explain what had happened to mediator which should have led to session with mediators and both of us.
Mediator said, "Look, you've done all you can. If something bad happens to your child when they're with Dad, it's just fate. Sometimes fate is cruel"
And "if he won't give up the drugs, Child Protection can just teach your child protective behaviours, like 'dad is stoned today so I will pay on my own'.

I think you can imagine how these comments may have made me feel.

Still, I was expecting to attend session with Dad. Got certificate in the mail saying that we'd both attended and tried our best. WHAT?

He says he's taking me to court and I haven't heard from any family on that side. Right now, life is pretty sweet without dealing with them. If only it would stay like this...

Wasted question: Why isn't the onus on him to get off drugs and be responsible/safe rather than my CHILD to be monitoring Dads drug use? Children need as much family as possible IF THEY ARE SAFE AND ABLE TO CARE FOR THEM. No one can tell me my child is better in that space. Jeepers.