Age appropriate visitation

[Palacemum]

Hi mummy's

I'm hoping someone can help me with there knowledge and or experience or even just thoughts.

I have 2 young children a 3year old and 18 months (18 month old still breastfeed) their father has not lived with us for for over 15 months, so you can do the maths the youngest child did not live with the father for very long, father chose to live 1000ks from his children, we do have consent orders that were done late last year, where he comes to see the children in our local area and I stay present while father is with the youngest child.

But requests have now been made to have the current arrangement to be changed, my problem is father now wants 18 month over night......but he is still breast feed and often and he is very attached to me, I have suggested a few hours alone to progress to a full day and when bf finishes progress to overnight, but to be gradual for the child's sake.

He also wants older child to go back to his place for a week at a time which would involve around 12 hours in car or via plane which would take about 2.5+ hours in the car to the closet airport etc...And ofcouse the youngest to join with the year.....

I Have offered different suggestions but he's not happy and is now talking court action.

Has anyone heard of a court forcing a mother to stop bf and a young child to travel 1000ks.

I do have a solicitor but I just wanted to know if anyone has any first hand experience with a situation like this, I have been looking for similar cases but nothing yet.

Thanks in advance for anyone with any thoughts or info on my situation.

Sending love to my fellow single mums..... Palacemum

[Mummy]

I was told by a solicitor at Legal Aide Vic that any overnight visitation is very unusual until children are about 3yo+. At the time, I agreed to allow my weaned 13 month old to start staying over for alternate weekends on the condition that it be altered the second bub's wellbeing seemed at all at stake. However, almost a year later, bub is still not doing poo regularly at dad's house and comes home with often serious constipation discomfort/pain, and I think it is harder for me to change the overnight stays to day visits now so much time has past. (Dad lives 45 min away.) I really think it's important to get it right for your children now. I would advise: Don't just see how it goes and then act, as the precedent might make the Courts view visitation in a different light later on. I am taking bub to a specialist so I may have some medical backing if I need to have visitation altered. It's going to be a longer, more expensive, more difficult process now.
I think you should definitely talk to a good family law solicitor pronto - usually first session (30-60min) is free. After that it's about $280-330p.h. - but if you are in financial stress, you may well be entitled to free Legal Aide funding which covers matters of child custody. Contact Legal Aide tomorrow and they should be able to advise on both likelihood of financial support and give a list of local family law solicitors. May take a month to get in to see a solicitor, so book in immediately. I had to use my mum's group and occasional care to babysit during appts.
Be strong in the knowledge that you are very likely to know what is best for your children, and you prob have several ways in which you could support your beliefs. Here is the link to one article/study you need to read entitled "Infants and overnight care - post separation and divorce" by the World Association For Infant Mental Health <http://www.aaimhi.org/inewsfiles/AAIMHI_Infants_and_overnight_care.pdf>

[epanlive]

Stand your ground, do what you believe is right for your toddlers, I don't believe any judge would order toddlers to travel 1000km for overnight stay if the father has not lived with the child ( significant living) and had a very good relationship with them.

Did the father move ? Maybe he could move back so he can spend time building a relationship with his children so when they are older they will be able to visit during holidays.
Good luck Hun
I had the father take the toddlers, youngest being breast fed and not return them for days every time they had a day visit, very stressful and not in their best interest.
Hence they now have seperation anxiety, And refuse to see their father at all.
please protect the kids, start small and work your way up, this way their routine is established and they are confident and independant enough.

[Mum22]

You say you have consent orders that were lodged last year. What do they say in regards to current and future contact arrangements? Courts do not like to change on a whim, there needs to be a good/valid reason (Rice & Asplund rule), and so if dad was simply short-sighted not to bother to prepare for the future, then tough on him! He can threaten all he likes, but with Orders in place, either he stick to them, and stop whinging, or if he chooses to file a court application, he will have to go thro certain stepes first, I think he may even have to initiate mediation (not sure about this if your last court was less than 12 monts ago).
I am thinking that he is simply not content with what he has now, and is trying to get you to agree to a change, instead of sucking it up and being a grown-up, and getting on with his life.

[Palacemum]

Hello...
First of all thanks to those that have replied.
And thank you 'mummy' for the link, just what I was looking for I will be using that info.

Yes the father choose to move that far from his children, apparently another woman and her young children came before his own children, now that he has that he is interested in his own children again, but his new partner has 2 young children and an ex near by so they are in no position to move closer to us......not my fault he has himself trapped in his current location. The father has been making an effort to travel and spend time with the children so the relationship can grow.

Consent orders were made with legal assistance, I will look into the rice and asplund case thanks. He has tried FRC mediation but they said we are not suitable because we only had it with the last 12 months and we were both legally assisted so he knew as well as I did what we were signing.

Yes mum22 I think you have worked it out......he doesn't like it anymore so he's going to through his weight around and try and get what he wants.....I'm not trying to stop a relationship between father and children, but I think it needs to be a pace that is best for the children, especially due to the young age. It needs to be progressive, not just wam bang. My youngest has not been apart from me for longer than a few hours at a time, when he has been cared for its by close family and is generally while he is sleeping, if I leave the house just to go the bin he is freaking out now days.

Why does these men think that they have the right to do what suits them......what about the children, do us mothers get the choose to do what we won't, no we are self sacrificing women that would do anything for our children's happiness and safety.... Pitty the court dont seem to appreciate what we do for our children and why.

The thought of court stresses me, but the alternative is to just give in to his demands......ummm I don't think so. So I may be joining some of my fellow single mothers in the court room.

Have a lovely evening palacemum