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By JEM-JADE
#16605
Hi

Im really hoping someone can give me a little advice because i really dont know what to do at the moment. My daughter is 9 months old, my ex and i were only together for 6 months prior to me getting pregnant. The relationship was great at first but quickly went downhill.
WHen i got pregnant he wanted to keep it & so did i - by the time i was 4 months pregnant he was a walking ball of hatred and it was aimed at me, all day everyday. The most despicable things he said and did, you see - my ex is a sociopath & narcissist. His torture was mainly mental and emotional. The scars you cant see.
As soon as i got pregnant it was like he owned me. He was nasty and came and went as he pleased. then all of a sudden - he was gone. I went through my entire pregnant alone. I could barely walk due to the baby sitting on a nerve in my spine but i worked right up until i gave birth so i could buy the baby stuff. He popped up occassionaly to give me a hard time about something or tell me how awful i am for something but generally he was absent.
2 weeks before i gave birth he pops back up saying he wants to be a family and that he was ready to come home. STupid me believed him and let him back - i think he only hung around to make sure he was put on birth certificate. ANyways the last 9 months of her life he has put me through hell. Not only did he break my heart again with his cruel haunting words but turns out, he had built a whole other life while i was pregnant that he failed to mention. He lied and lied and lied - thats what he does, he is a pathalogical liar- anyways turns out he had been with her for about 8 months! 2 months after my daughter was born when i thought we were working on being a family - his words not mine - he impregnated his other female.
ANyways, long story short - sorry i got sidetracked - he put us through hell. He has only ever given a shit about his daughter when he was going to gain something from it. He uses her against me then tells me i stop him seeing her. Throughout all this shit that he has put me through (there is so much but its not relevant anymore) i havent once stopped him from seeing her. If anything, he only has seen her as much as he has because i pushed it. I havent heard from him now for over 4 months.
Last time when we were speaking i asked him to sign her passport application - he refused, of course, for no reason other than because i wanted him to. Well he is currently living the junkie lifestyle with no fixed stable housing and no job, just his drugs and his new pincushion (new gf) and i am going to apply to court for sole custody....

I want to make it clear that i am NOT doing this to stop him seeing her, i mean - of course he wouldnt be going anywhere with her in his current state - but i am not closing the door to him being in he rlife. My aim is so that i can get her a passport and so that i can make the best decisions for her without having to find him and ask him - becvause he cant be civil or behave like an adullt. I dont even think he would turn up to court if i did apply.

But my question is, if i do apply to court and if he does turn up and say he wants to see her. The judge isnt going to award him joint custody are they? I mean, he has no fixed stable accommodation, no job, hes never paid child support, ive had restraining orders from domestic violence from him, ive got documented dated evidence of the awful things he has said to me and the bullying and mental games, hasnt bothered contacting me for his daughter in over 4 months but has a phone and my number, i have reached out to his mum and have organsied that she comes over once a week to see her granddaughter to show i am not in anyway keeping him from her and he is now a junkie (meth) just to top it all off.

I am a working single mum that has provided everything for my daughter since the get go. I have a mortgage and a baby and job and very little famiyl in australia (im english) so literally doing it alone. But i just want to make sure that this isnt going to bite me in the bum ... someone help... I already have a certificate of exemption from the family mediation centre... due to the substabtial amount of evidence of the abuse and the things he has done etc they have given me the go ahead to apply straight to court...

Help?!?!
#16616
You have custody of your little girl so why apply for it and give yourself expense and legal trauma. But you do need a Restraining Order/DVO to keep him away from you and your daughter. The onus will then be on him to bring FC proceedings and you can get legal aid to defend it. You will need to show that he is an unacceptable risk to your daughter, so start putting together all of the evidence now that you will have to use.
You should apply to the Courts for dispensation of his agreement to your passport request. He will have to give strong reasons (if he turns up) for not signing it. He may allege for example that you are planning to go to another country, so be ready to refute such a suggestion.
#16617
Hello, My main reason for wanting to go to court was for the passport. I'm English and my grandmother that raised me is rather sick and dying in the uk. It would mean the world to me if my little girl could meet my nan before she dies because she is the biggest part of my life growing up. He says I won't come back to perth which is rubbish. I have a house, job, car, commitments here and there's no way I would move bsck to England and he knows that but and that is why he says no - because he knows how much it means to me for ellie to meet nana.
I didn't think the applications for passports which didn't have both parents signatures were accepted? He is on the birth certificate but she has my last name not his.

So I don't have to go to court to get a passport?

Thank you for your advice :)
#16643
I'm in a very similar situation but I have no proof of DV. My ex tells people that I prevent him from seeing his son too so I signed us up for a contact centre. Call them, tell them the situation and ask them to send you an email confirming that as soon as they hear from the father they will start contact. I did this and my ex didn't bother to call. After a year I asked them to send me an email confirming that they never heard from the father.
I was lucky enough to get a passport sorted before we broke up but he continually threatens to put my son on the airport watchlist out of spite. Its all about control. I saw a solicitor about it and they said if you own property, have a steady job etc a court will not put them on the watchlist. Your child has a right to know their family. You can apply for a passport without the fathers signature. Call them and find out what you need. Hang in there. You're not alone.