Here is your chance to tell your story - what brought you to where you are now - a single mum!
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By MummaVee
My partner and I split on Christmas day after i found texts to his ex planning to cheat on me. On New Years Day, i realised i was pregnant. Was also my 30th birthday the week after New Years (what a fabulous few weeks its been).

I've decided to keep the baby. My ex has two kids to two different mothers (the eldest one's mother is who he was texting). He wants me to get rid of it, told me he can't afford another child and doesnt want it (he doesnt pay child support for the two kids he has now and the only reason he can't afford it because he wastes all his money on booze, cigarettes and the pokies). I gave him the option to walk away. He took it. I won't force a child on him that he doesn't want.

I'm more than capable of doing this on my own and have the full support of my friends and family.

I have a few questions, if there is anyone out there still reading these:

1. Am i still able to leave fathers name blank on BC (VIC)?

2. Apart from child support (which i dont want) and Centrelink benefits, are there any other implications i need to be aware of if i dont name him on BC?

3. His parents and I are very close. I know my ex won't tell them about the pregnancy. When should i tell them? I want to give them the opportunity to know their grandchild.

4. What do i tell the child in years to come? When my baby starts asking questions about their father, how do i tell the child that their father didnt want them, but has two other kids he loves and sees?

I want this baby more than anything. But i dont know if i can look into that child's eyes in years to come and break their little heart. How have other mothers in a similar situation navigated those conversations?

I'm really struggling, wondering if I've made the right choice, bringing a child into the world knowing this kid is going to have a lifetime of heartache because their father didnt want them....
By hannybeebeee
Hi Mum to be,
Your baby will be your greatest gift and you certainly will not be bringing him or her into a lifetime of disappointment. Remember a child needs one parent to love. (Not two) and one great parent is so much better than one good and one bad parent.
I have no idea about the BC but I would just have the baby and write nothing. At the end of the day it will just be you filling in and submitting the form.
As for telling the baby. Always tell the truth. If you don't and he/she finds out they will blame you. Tell them the truth that they were so wanted and you would have done anything for them. Tell them the truth about their dad but express that you made the decision to have the baby on your own. No different than an adoption or doner sperm. It is all a baby wanted to be loved.
You can do it. So many of us are (and living a great life as we have all the say and decide how our children are raised and spoken to and loved).
By SingleMumOf4
Hi Mum to be,
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I too was in a situation where I had found out I was pregnant, at 16 weeks, and had ended my 4 year relationship with my ex, due to him and the mother of his 2 other children being secretly spending family days out with the kids!!

My son is now only 9weeks. But he was wanted by his father in hope it will make me want him back! No way!

So different to my situation here, you do not have to put a father on the BC. Having no father on there, should require no CS claim and your Centrelink payments should not be effected.

In regards to what to tell your child... the truth! I have always been truthful with my kids. I have a teenager now, and the same goes for her. She is truthful to me as I have always been open with her. That’s the best relationship.
In telling his parents, that’s entirely up to you and your own decision. I personally would walk away. You aren’t with their son anymore, he doesn’t want the baby, end the relationship with the parents also. Yes they are the babies grandparents, but the baby isn’t having a father named on the BC, I believe all ties should be cut.

But finally, don’t doubt your decision. Your baby will not grow up in heartache not having a father. My 3 older children haven’t seen their father in 4 years and are happier than most children I know. Your baby has you, his Mumma, that’s the main thing children want and need.

Good luck x
By MummaVee
Thank you both for your supportive and thoughtful replies. I'm in tears reading them!

I sought legal advice in regards to the BC. In VIC you can't register a birth without father's details, or a stat dec explaining why details have been excluded (only acceptable reasons are 'father unknown' or domestic violence). Not naming him on BC does not forfeit his parental rights, only a court order can do that. So even if he isn't named in BC he can still fight for access later, and I will forever be explaining that i cannot contact father to approve things like passport applications.

I was always planning on telling the truth. I want an open and honest relationship with my child. I just hope i can find the right words to say all that's in my heart when the time comes.

I still haven't decided on what to do about the grandparents. I understand that in years to come it will be confusing for the child, and didn't plan on continuing a relationship with the grandparent beyond early infancy. The grandparents are quite elderly, and i do love them dearly, even if their son is a POS.

Thanks again for your replies. Its comforting to know I'm not alone in my situation and there are other strong women out their raising amazing humans (my mum was one of them also, so i have experience on both sides of the fence now).

All the best to you both xx