I am new at being a single Mum. I'm in the midst of selling the family we have lived in for 12 years so life is very upside down.
My husband was never interested in me sexually in the 23 years we were together. He had so many excuses and promises! Says he was but still managed to avoid any contact. I am tall, slim and in my early days had many boyfriends, so my self esteem took a huge battering being rejected so much... So much more to say on that topic but I am only explaining it briefly as background to what is going on, concerning my two young daughters, 11 and 13.
We have only been in separate homes for about a month. He is very emotionally needy. He has no family other than the children; no long term friends. (Maybe a few foreign internet female "friends"). His mother rejected him, wrote him out of the will. His eldest daughter has no time for him, and of course, me ,his wife, I rejected him finally. After a whole marriage, that formed most of my adult life, with barely enough intimacy to create 4 children, I could not take anymore. The finances stretched beyond their limit, I needed to go for my mental health sake and in the long run it will be better for the kids. i am taking control and setting us on a path to a better life.
He is a good dad. But he is compelled to need their love and attention and approval. He takes over their school projects, he spends money on them, gives them what they request. Huge collection of electronic media. Hey, that is pretty usual for most Dad's but he NEEDS them way too much!
My eleven year old was exhausted from camp, and the weekend with him was full on and she really needed early nights to rest and recover ready for school on Monday. I get a call from her crying and hysterical at 10pm on Sunday night that she hadn't done her homework. Next morning I find out she is home sleeping in and my 16 year old boy has stayed home to babysit and do his homework. I arrive at their father's house to pick her up and take her home and find her asleep in her Dad's bed. She says she slept there on Friday night as well as her 13 yo sister was having friends over for a sleepover and making too much noise.
I don't believe he thinks it is wrong to have her sleep in his bed. I am sure he would rationalise it as its just the same when she sleeps in bed with me. I don't believe he is doing anything inappropriate but how do I get the message across clearly that he needs to be the adult and see that it is not appropriate. My eleven year old has said she feels he is sad and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. I cannot imagine this sets up a good grounding for her to manage male relationships as she gets older.
I know what I have to do, but somehow I needed to vent and perhaps get a few words of encouragement. There are so many issues to deal with right now, but this one is worrying me. Thanks for reading.