so i ask " what is happening to me?"
after my last post about being depressed and feeling down i managed to get some help, i am now getting a case manager to come and help me with new stratagies for the kids, routines for myslef and just ideas on ways to handle home life. i am getting my kids in to see a child phycolagist ( i never know how to spell that work) and assessed to see if their are other behavioral problems.. which makes me feel better and relieved that i have help, but why do i feel the way i do?????
i have started to write my feelings down on a daily basis, and boy did i have some interesting dreams last night..
i have been on medication for depression and anxiety for just over 4yrs now, i dont like being on it but i know i have to.
i am over hearing the kids fight, im over having them ignore me or run away from me when i am trying to discaplin them, then they laugh at me as if its a game, maybe it is to them but im steaming and at a state of "over it"...
i have told my eldest son not to come to visit for a week (he is travelling from interstate) as i can not manage having him here. i have noticed myself walking around in a daze, not knowing what to do despite having things to do..
the kids were great yesterday, they played outside necely, i sat inside and crocheted all day. i felt so relaxed but empty.
i went to see a comedian on thursday which was good, i laughed but i wasnt happy inside, i havent been happy inside for ages.
will it come back???
i cant handle thinking about baking a cake or doing craft or doing much with the kids, the thought of the mess and the aftermath is just overwhelming, i need to talk to my counsellor about living in the moment and worrying about the mess when its time to clean it.. but i can feel my anxiety starting just with typing it..
when did i get so bad?
when did my nerves get the better of me?
i shouldnt be dealing with what i am, i am in my early 40s, i should have a "nice relaxed" life, not a frantic out of control one...