Feeling depressed & need another mums shoulder to cry on? Maybe you're feeling depressed about something (or everything!). Lighten your emotional load in here!
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By lovethyself
what a hell of a couple of weeks, i have been positive, ontop of the world, thankful for what i have and how far i have come, then the tide changes and i am as low as i can go, in tears, depressed, overwhelmed and wondering what the hell is happening to me..

so i ask " what is happening to me?"
after my last post about being depressed and feeling down i managed to get some help, i am now getting a case manager to come and help me with new stratagies for the kids, routines for myslef and just ideas on ways to handle home life. i am getting my kids in to see a child phycolagist ( i never know how to spell that work) and assessed to see if their are other behavioral problems.. which makes me feel better and relieved that i have help, but why do i feel the way i do?????

i have started to write my feelings down on a daily basis, and boy did i have some interesting dreams last night..

i have been on medication for depression and anxiety for just over 4yrs now, i dont like being on it but i know i have to.
i am over hearing the kids fight, im over having them ignore me or run away from me when i am trying to discaplin them, then they laugh at me as if its a game, maybe it is to them but im steaming and at a state of "over it"...

i have told my eldest son not to come to visit for a week (he is travelling from interstate) as i can not manage having him here. i have noticed myself walking around in a daze, not knowing what to do despite having things to do..
the kids were great yesterday, they played outside necely, i sat inside and crocheted all day. i felt so relaxed but empty.

i went to see a comedian on thursday which was good, i laughed but i wasnt happy inside, i havent been happy inside for ages.
will it come back???

i cant handle thinking about baking a cake or doing craft or doing much with the kids, the thought of the mess and the aftermath is just overwhelming, i need to talk to my counsellor about living in the moment and worrying about the mess when its time to clean it.. but i can feel my anxiety starting just with typing it..

when did i get so bad?
when did my nerves get the better of me?
i shouldnt be dealing with what i am, i am in my early 40s, i should have a "nice relaxed" life, not a frantic out of control one...
By honig
Hi lovethyself,

I ask you this, if a man had to cope with all that has been placed on your shoulders would he cope? I know it's rather rhetorical because of course the answer is no, nope he would have headed down to the pub or passed the kids off to his parents or any other avoidance behavior.

Take a deep breath in, deep breath out, pat yourself on the back and realise that not only can you do it but you are doing it and have been doing it all along. Not only that but you also realise when you are feeling overwhelmed and you find help, that in itself means that you are incredibly smart and capable.

I do want to say to you that I believe the anti-depressants are good for only so long and they don't really 'fix' anything they just 'numb' you so everything seems more manageable. I understand they are necessary sometimes and I am most definitely not a doctor but from what I am hearing in your words the medication may be done doing it's job so could it be worth going to have a chat to your doctor just to make sure you are still on the right track with it? I went to a psychotherapist last week and I felt great afterwards and I highly recommend you look into alternate therapies, it can't hurt and you can keep taking the medication at the same time.

Those boy's of yours are very lucky to have such a capable mum so they better be giving you plenty of hugs :)
By Angels3
You are doing a fabulous job at something that is incredibly hard on your own. Are you seeing a counsellor? I have been for years now regularly and it really helps. The more you open up and talk about your situation the more you understand it and ultimately the better you cope. We are all in the same situation lovethyself with everyday a challenge. Try not to be so tough on your self.I have been told for years I am depressed but my answer is always I am in survival mode and the fact that I get up everyday, get on with the job and keep going means that I am not depressed just tired and overworked. I have three kids, property, partime work animals and ongoing court episodes and harrassment from my ex and it's tough but I just keep going with the thought that it WILL get better. No I am not on medication and have refused to be. Good luck mate and stick at it.
By simonedd
Hi lovethyself

Sorry for not responding to you sooner I have been trying to find the title of a book I read about 6 years ago, I lent it to someone and never saw it again (hate that) anyway it helped me get through a lot of pain when my husband left us. I was very angry, depressed, much like you. It’s written by a real mother for real mothers, if you know what I mean, a lot of parenting book aren’t and just leave you feeling more guilty. This book really helped be become calm and gave me permission to look after myself so I was able to look after my kids. If you get a chance check it out as it helped me a lot. It’s not at all preachy so I hope you’re not put off by the title.
Title: Buddhism of Mothers
Author: Sarah Naptali

Hope I have helped in some way and take care of yourself.
By lovethyself
thankyou ladies, it has been a hard few weeks, i am seeing a councellor which helps to a certain degree, i might look at the alternate theropies, couldnt hurt, im a big advocate of self help, so simonedd i will have a look at that book thankyou..

sometimes i think it is the THOUGHT of something that puts me in a mood.. i was surprised with myself today though, i was involved in the school fair, i had people approaching me about all sorts of things, the kids were off playing, and even when my son decided to start harassing this kid in his class (one of those love hate friendships) i held it together. the kids mother rushed past me and grabbed my son by the arm and basically put her face in my sons face and told him off, then she turned around and saw me... hmm. all i can say is i held it together and told her not to grab my son, i understood he was doing wrong... (bitch ) lol..

so why is when im out and about i dont feel as though things are as bad as they are at home??
why can i handle the situations a lot better??