Feeling depressed & need another mums shoulder to cry on? Maybe you're feeling depressed about something (or everything!). Lighten your emotional load in here!
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By TanyaR
#11199
We all know its hard being a single mum with little to no help and i love being there for other mums and people in difficult situations but i have hit a rock - up until last nite i had two ex's my ex bio dad of my child and an ex that i was with for 5 years who had like my prior partner mentally and emotionally abused me and i get abused over the ph last nite too by my recent ex it broke me up but i didnt cry just hate thinking over and over again about the torment :( he said things like he wanted to go jump off the bridge and i will never be in a realtionship again and just went on and on i could have said so much about the bad he did to me but i wasnt going to make it worse - i have struggled after an operation and attempting to go back to work tomorrow - we all have feelings and i need to find that love within myself somehow - i can do it as i learnt to find it after the first ex but i wonder how men can get away with abuse in this way thinking its ok to speak and treat a partner this way.
I am trying to make the most of being a good mum to my princess and hope that soon enough i can find that love within myself and live again.
By Mum22
#11206
You can, and will, be strong for as long as it takes, TanyaR.
What that man said to you, pretend like there is a mirror between you, and the words just flip back at him.
far an example, if he says "You make me so mad", what he is saying is "I cannot hold my temper", you see - it hsa absolutely NOTHING to do with you, he is just pushing buttons. You may be feeling vulnerable, and so it seems to hurt so much more. but remember, what ever words were said, they are just words, not facts, just words.
Poor excuses for men use words as weapons, but as we all know ACTIONS speak louder than words. If he is acting that say, he is no example for you to use, his opinion is worth NOTHIGNG.
I know it can be so hard to forget what you avhe heard, but please, please re-write you inner script and find replacement meanings, He isn't coping, He isn't worth anything, He feels like he'll never be in a r/s again...IF he wants to throw himself over a bridge, so be it - that is not your responsiblity or concern, that is HIS choice.
You have such strength in you, that he could never possess.
Look for it, adn you will find the love for you inside you, and as you do, your world will light up again, and you'll find yourself inundated with offers!!! :) but remember, you do not need a man to be who you are, and to be loveable, bless you I hope you find your smile soon :)
By TanyaR
#11208
thanks for your reply mum22 it meant so much as i am still feeling down unril i read your beautiful message. I went for my 6 week check up after my operation and it was scary to be told that i was in such a bad way with my endometrosis and thank god they operated on me when they did - still recovering but happy as ever to know my body is healed. Its part of moving on with my life.
I cant get my ex out of my head as he abuse is in my head constantly but i am trying to clear it and yes you are so right he wont admit that he has issues with his anger - he used to say i am so lucky to have you as you are the only one that will put up with me and i was happy to have me after the trauma of my ex husband but when you got threatened with your life and constant yelling and abuse enough is enough my poor daughter got traumatised even the other nite when she heard him saying he would go and jump off the bridge he hated me that much and i will never find anyone for the rest of my life i am a so and so (cencorsed) there was a rumour he had an affair whilst with me the last 12 mths we were together for 5 years i never expected that but wouldnt surprise me now either - it hurts when you try to move on and keep getting put down - but i went back to work for the first time today and i said to myself nothing is going to get me down i am strong and i can do it - why cause i have a second chance make the most of it - and i did made a few good sales and was so proud.
Of course will never be able to escape my ex husband and he is still not making my life easy but that i will take one day at a time also.
I need to be strong for my daughter she has been so wonderful helping and i want to give it my all for her.

Tks darl it really meant so much for your kind words.
By petuniapie
#11210
The mirror - love it - so true.

I wasn't with the father of my child that long. But these guys can just be so unrelenting to deal with..they do become like scratched records after a while though. Same old messages but if we don't react, we can't hear the messages..I mean crap lol.
By TanyaR
#11211
Yes trust me i could say so much to my ex;s but it means it will give them more ammunition yelling and getting more angry like the other nite i just sat there and half the time held the ph away from my ear thinking just stop stop stop when i was with the recent ex he wanted to punch me and hurt me :( i cried and cried but tried to not fight back that is the danger we face - if it happons again will report to police but the fear stopped me. as for my ex husband completly diff he always has a hold on me as he wants to destroy my relationship with my child - i can do this and get through this - very soon i wont let it get me down - we should no longer be victims!!