Feel like a rant? Let loose in here!
Forum rules: Please do not post any real names or identifying details in the forums (This is to comply with Section 121 of the Family Law Act, 1975, and also for privacy issues). This site does not contain legal advice. Where personal legal advice is required, please seek the assistance of a competent legal practitioner. Please read the complete forum rules, terms and conditions here: viewtopic.php?f=16&t=15&start=0
For any concerns regarding this forum, please contact us at forum.administration@singlemotherforum.com
#6018
I had a friend once who split with her husband when their child was about two years old. As his job entailed long shifts with time off in between, they worked it so that eventually, their child lived between their two homes, with the mother at all times the father was working and with the the father at all times he was not. As the mother had various physical medical issues, it also gave her a chance to rest. Every night that the child was not with her mother, the father got the child on the phone to say hello or so mum could read a bedtime story, say "I love you" etc etc I remember talking to her extensively about it and the thing that really stuck in my mind was that although she missed her daughter so much when she was gone, she said that if anything ever happened to herself, she would have no doubts about her child living with her father because he was the only other person besides herself who would protect her with his life if it came down to it - that his care was exemplary and there was not enough he could do for his daughter. This man even continued to pay for the mother's medical cover (as she could only work part time and not afford it herself) because he saw the benefit of his daughter having a mother who was as healthy as she could be.

Of course no one has a problem with a man such as this being in the life of his child. Who would?? Unfortunately exes such as this one are very few and far between. It makes me sad for myself and my child, and all the other mums and children who are forced into sharing their lives with men who get off on abusing and manipulating in every covert way they know how because of their own psycological issues which courts and society in general like to completely ignore. After all, if they are not sexually abusing or beating a child to within an inch of their lives, they must be a great dad!

I understand mums who wish that their child's father would be more involved - they are good mums who want what they believe is best for their child. But having the experiences I have had and seeing the pain that has been caused to my child by a father who refuses to go away, who hovers and clings and controls, who emotionally abuses to fulfil his own needs and self interest, I would have to say I would prefer the other. I have heard people comment on what a great dad my ex must be because he is "so involved". But then, people really only ever see the surface, don't they? No one seems to realise that just because something doesn't go away doesn't make it good - bad smells, cockroaches and germ laden flies like to hang around too.

I don't think any sane mother who has a non-abusive ex would stop the children from seeing their father. But when a mother does stop this, I think society as a whole needs to realise that there are very valid reasons. Unfortunately, people love to assume they know what's going on and pass judgement when in reality, they know very little of the real situation.
#6029
urbancowgirl wrote:I don't think any sane mother who has a non-abusive ex would stop the children from seeing their father. But when a mother does stop this, I think society as a whole needs to realise that there are very valid reasons. Unfortunately, people love to assume they know what's going on and pass judgement when in reality, they know very little of the real situation.


Oh so well said.....clap clap clap