Pregnant and on your own? We'd love to hear about it, and when you're due!
You can post in here to find other single and pregnant mums to share your journey with too! Or maybe even get some advice from those of us that have been-there, done-that!
#12520
Hi I'm 22 from the UK and living in Sydney (south west). I was raped in July last year in London and didnt find out I was pregnant from the rape until I moved to Australia in September. Initially when I discovered I was pregnant I was in shock and I wanted to abort but when I got to the clinic I just couldn't do it. So i decided to keep the baby. I found out today that its a girl :) I'm very worried about the financial side and emotinal side of things. I have my mom and dad and aunt and cousin here, they are very helpful but I dont want to be a burden.

All the plans I had made for my life in Australia havee to change . I came here on a Permanent residency. I don't want to have to moe back to the UK to have the baby although in the uk i would get a lot of assistance from the government financially i dont know what help I can get here in Australia.

Also if by any chance anyone has been in my situation ( pregnant from rape) what do i tell people about my babys father, do i tell them the truth or hide it. and what age is it ok for the child to know the identity of the child ?

Any help, info would be a great help
By Coco11
#12521
Firstly - what an amazingly brave decision you have made - it shows an amazing strength go character to move forward as you are. Being pregnant in itself is pretty scarey but given the circumstances you must be terrified.

Your family sounds supportive so never look at yourself as a burden anD take all the support and help you can get -as a single parent I can guarantee you you will need it. As for everything else just go with what your gut and heart tell you are right. Once us daughter is here and ou have gotten to know her you will know what to do. Don' t take too much notice of others opinions - at the end of the day it is ou and her and that's all that counts. Both my sons were conceived via anonymous sperm donor so although it is a completely different situation I still have to work out what I am going to tell them about there "father". At this point I am intending to just tell them the truth as I think it is important that there are no lies or baggage betweenus and hope that they understand my reasons why.

Keep communicating with those that love you and want to support you and you will soon have first hand experience of the silver lining to your very horrible experience. You will get so much love and joy out of that little girl in the future -just focus on that.

I wish you all the very best in your journey.xxxx
#12809
Dear MissyChrissy,
I am a 43 yr old single Mother of two children.
I was not raped like you but taken advantage of, twice by the same man , whom I ended up marrying, now he has divorced me.We did not ever live together but for 5 weeks,with him never there so really I have bought up both my children from their conception, gone through both pregnancies, and now the oldest is almost 12 yrs old. Their Father chooses not to see them , and the younger child calls him by his first name as that is all he knows his biological Father to be.
I really think you need to take each day as it comes, and not plan ahead too much as to what you will say or address to this child as in explaination of the childs existance..I am very close to my own Father, but I feel from raising my children that if a father figure is in their life it does not matter really if that person is not related...You may meet someone later who adopts and loves your child..
Time will come and then you can deal with the questions. The fact is your child may not even care where they have come from as like my two they may really only feel emotionally they come from you.I do believe that when that day comes you are completely honest with your child..I am a christian and I really believe that God has given me these children and as their earthly Father has tossed away all responsibility he upholds them.He says he is a Father to the Fatherless..Someone commented on my two loving peaceful children the other day, but reality is they have no arguing or animosity, friction they would have had if I had remained in a relationship with their Father.
#12959
wow your such a beautiful special mother in the making. what an amazing story to read,
can I suggest you dont have to tell anyone about the father in general, like at mothers groups or birthday parties ect.
just say Father not in picture, then maybe when you know people better then maybe you might want to tell them.
my father was a rapist, i didnt find out until my early 20s, its a harsh reality to face.
Id suggest she'd need to be fair bit grown up before she could try and handle it.
again, your so special.
best of wishes to you.
By mumof3b
#12963
Good luck with your brave decision to keep your baby. I would suggest you find a good psychologist to help prepare you for dealing with the people in this world who are completely without empathy. Many people won't take this step because they see "seeing a pychologist" means that there is something wrong with you - there isn't, you just live in a shitty world and need to care for nurture and look after yourself. And you deserve to look after yourself! God knows women spend 95% of there lives looking after anyone else, who the hell looks after us if we don't prioritise ourselves every now and again.

You didn't deserve what happened to you, though a bit of preparation now may help you with single parenting in general and parenting in your situation in particular. Maybe books compiling stories of mothers who have walked your path before detailing the particular pitfalls that are specific to your case e.g. you seeing a resemblance to the rapist in your childs features as they grow up.

Don't fall for all the crap about your child "needing a male role model". There is nothing (and this is backed up by crime statistics) as dangerous to a child as an unrelated male. Don't smother your natural maternal instincts in order to provide your child with the "male role model". I know there are many women on this forum who could tell you the hell that these "male role models" put them through if not with molestation, then with violence.

We both know how predatory some males can be.

Good luck with everything.