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By mumof3b
#13194
Hi whitefoxforever,

It seems to me that there are many secrets on both sides in your relationship and that you have conceived a child in this where there is little trust, communication or healthy boundaries.

Forget about being fair to anyone but your child, your child's welfare trumps anyone's rights.

Your partner seems rather secretive about his previous relationship and child. It seems very clear that there is stuff about that that he doesn't want you to find out - which is obviously cause for concern. On the other hand if you skyped his five year old child without his knowledge or consent then that is a huge breach of trust on your side.

Just because he "doesn't like religion" doesn't mean he is a bad person. My grandfather was turned off religion too - for good reason. He was bashed by nuns and priests as a child and some of his childhood mates were also raped and molested by priests. My grandfather was one of the kindest most moral, gentle men you could ever meet - but he was deeply suspicious of religious people. Perhaps your partner had some trauma as a child as well - you don't know. He could simply not like the bombings and violence associated with religion.

The thing that worries me is that he is full of hate which will be turned on you and possibly your child - if he's racist then he is quite likely to be sexist too and have a very low opinion of women - bigotry rarely stops at just one hatred. He also thinks nothing of breaking the law.

Also, you've seen him once a month for 7 months and you're pregnant to him? I'm assuming that that was unintentional? All my alarm bells are ringing. If he earns a lot of money what is this from? crime?. Because forget about child support if he is a criminal and break up and tell Centrelink you were drunk one night when you took a guy home, can't remember a thing and get on with your life.

He sounds like a very nasty person and you should listen to your gut feeling on this one.
By whitefoxforever
#13198
I never skyped his child without his knowledge, *name removed* would be there in the beginning part of the relationship at his place with him before her bedtime, and the three of us would all get on Skype and talk and watch her dancing and find out what she did at kindy etc. but in January that all stopped, yes I won't deny that it was an accident that I'm pregnant, he is a ***** and earns approx $100k a year, yes I know this for fact because I'm helping him with his court case against the first partner (*name removed*'s mother), I don't need centre links help to raise this child, that is not my issue, I guess I wonder what it would be like for me not to know how my father is. I unfortunate haven't met anyone who hasn't known there father so I don't know how hard it is to grow up that way.
He knows everything there is to know about me except for this. You are correct in the fact that he is sexist too, but I am very strong willed when it comes to that and he doesn't get away with it. I will not be his slave.

My question now is would it not be better for my child to grow up and know that their father is an ass by their own experiences or would it be better to shield them from that knowledge and tell them when they are old enough to understand. I'm thinking in terms of their physiological well being?
By mumof3b
#13199
I'm sorry I must have misread the skyping thing.

I can tell you that the most important thing is that the child feels loved and safe. I know several people (including in my own family) who wish they didn't know their father because he was violent/alcoholic/abusive in various ways.

No father is way better than a father who is the above. And they rarely change.

Knowing how he is and you are considering not even letting him know you are pregnant with his child I'm surprised to read that you are helping him with his court case?

So far you've said he is misogynist, has covered up a crime, lied and said he would do it again, and he is full of hate. And you're HELPING him against his ex over access to his 5 year old daughter?

I don't know what the situation is with the mother but given what you know - do you really think that it's in the little girls best interests to be handed over to him? given you have concerns over your own child's welfare and your own child isn't even born yet?

Can't you see how incongruous it is that you are helping him, do you believe what he says about his ex - knowing him to be a liar or have you seen the truth with your own eyes?

Also, I would ask the administrator to delete any identifying details - the little girls name you mentioned and his place of work - they are strongly identifying to anyone who goes looking. For all you know the mother who is in the case against your partner would have no trouble identifying herself and her child in these posts.
By whitefoxforever
#13200
Thank you, I am glad you have mentioned all that, I had not thought of it that way, thankfully I'm not helping him get access to his daughter just division of property.

But you are correct.