- Sat Nov 23, 2013 10:57 am
#13783
Oh YM81, oh you must be feeling overwhelmed right now and I feel for you.
So, let's strip it all away to try to make sense of it:
a) Do you WANT to have another baby? Are you able to consider the options of termination? adoption?
b) Do you WANT to TELL Bio Dad and Wife (BD&W)? Do you THINK you should tell them? Do you feel that this is YOUR decision - your body - your choice!?
c) Biologically, is this a man whose child you would want to have? Are there any biological/Health issues that concern you?
d) What effect will having another child have on the dynamics of your current family? You and your toddler. How will you explain this new child (or do you have to explain at all?)
e) IF you choose to continue with the pregnancy - will you choose to keep the baby? IS it an option to give the baby to the bio father and his wife to raise?
f) Do they have kids themselves?
f)I know you say they are friends...but with this new situation will they stay friends? If you think not, is this an issue for you, can you cope with loosing their friendship?
g) IF you choose to have and keep the baby, are you willing/able to face the prospect of sharing custody with Bio dad and wife (BD&W)?
h) are they likely to fight you in the courts for custody/significant time spent with?
i) IF you choose to terminate, will you (please)seek counselling to help you to cope with this decision? Are you mentally strong enough to live with your choices.
YM81, we are all people, we all make mistakes and we all have to live with the consequences of those choices and mistakes. Only you can choose if this is a mistake or a blessing. Only you can make the choice - it is your body.
However, there are many people who will be affected by the consequences of your decisions. and theirs. having said that - ultimately, this is your choice, and after that, bio dad (& wife?) will likely have a great deal to say...Legally, it is your and Bio dad's responsibility. ( I wonder who was the instigator of the 3some - him or her???)
Perhaps this will change their behaviours? perceptions?
j) ok so you may even face the situation where bio dad wants to be with you as the mother of his child, (If he doesn't have kids already, or even if he does).
YM81, My thoughts are will you at this difficult time. One day at a time, and choice at a time. Forgive yourself any feelings of wrongdoing and stay healthy in mind and body for your own sake and that of you toddler. Life has a way of just happening, and all morals aside, you have the right to make choices about what to do and how to proceed.
I wish you well, take care.
mum22
