Its been years since we left the former family home and I have this feeling of displacement, a pining of where we use to live not the actual home but the area of where we lived. I have moved twice in those years and feel lost like I don't belong here and I don't want to be here but I have too for health reasons. It only takes a photo of the area to pull on the heart strings and is enough at times to make me cry.
I know it can take years to get over a separation/divorce/family law court.
I lack the confidence that I once had. At times I can not string a sentence together if I spoken to due to the lack of contact and then throw into the mix of just wanting to go home. Unfortunately this will never happen.
Its just lonely.
Its been hard in those years to try and make friendships - people are either to busy or just can't be bothered to continue the contact /friendship or is it just me, who knows. At this new area I dance around the edges of the other mothers waiting at school, I try to make small talk and get involved in a conversation for a brief moment your included and then they turn away from you and your left standing there like a dummy so I just slink away.
Anyway its off my chest now I would never tell my only family member how I feel.