Childrens divorce and break up issues, normal parenting issues including breast feeding, toddler woes, baby car seats, booster seats, school holiday and party ideas, , teenager problems, adult children flying the coop - or not! The sheer fun of it all is in here...
By lovethyself
#8891
normally i try and look on the bright side of things, i have 2 beautiful boys who keep me on my toes..
i am over it, today is day 2 that they may aswell stick the finger up and say f... you mum... i have done nothing but yell at them, i havent stopped cleaning for the past week and their isnt one room that is anywhere tidy. if they havent tipped pencil shavings over the carpet, they have cut paper everywhere, then their is the train set spread from one end of the house to the next, the bathroom is .... we wont go there... the loo is the same, actually its worse, they are p.. ing everywhere apart from where they are supposed to..
each time i send them to their rooms, they trash it, they get the shits and tip everything off their cupboards, blankets go everywhere...
then their is the outside, the lawn needs mowing, forget it....
they have all their teddies on teh trampoline, i have been telling them all day to bring them inside, well i started throwing them over the front fence and told them i am throwing them in the bin... did it get a reaction, yep... not the one i was after.. they are p.. ing on teh fence and i just busted them with there doodles out p...ing on the house...
its driving me crazy,
i am their mother, they have no respect for me, they ignore me and it dosnt matter how i dissapline them it dosnt do a damn thing....
their rather was abusive, so i know this is where they get it from..
somedays i feel like a bit of dirt, i dont deserve this, but how can i get the kids to respect me and listen to me.. how can i get them to work with me and not against me..
i love them, i cuddle them, we play games, we go places but my god ive had it today..
i was supposed to go to my brothers for dinner, well i have cnacelled, they are going to bed early, and if they dont behave then they wont be seeing grandma tomorrow...
i feel like crying... im stressed, i dont really know anyone well enough to go and visit for support, as i moved the boys and myself away from the abuse..... my brother dosnt have kids so i feel like im being judged....

yep today is a dodozey..
By barnabyandjones
#8893
Oh you poor dear. It sounds like you need a big hug, a cup of tea, and a good cry. How old are your boys? Do you live somewhere that there is a Family Centre or something like that? They are wonderful support and will come to your home. If not, even call Lifeline just to have a good cry. That's what they are there for, to offer support. I called them last year and balled my eyes out for forty-five minutes to the poor women on the phone, but I felt so much better afterward. I just needed someone to talk to and to release all of emotion. Try not to discipline the boys with things that will spoil your enjoyment or that make your life harder. If you enjoy going to Gradma's (and it sounds like you need to get out) you go ahead and take another form of punative action such as packing away their favourite things until they can behave better or banning the tv. I have always noticed boys are better outside and they seem to love water. Can they run around outside under the sprinkler or something? As for them p'ing on the fence, I would get the damn hose and hose them at full blast lol!!!!! And don't worry about your brother, although I know it's easy to say. I feel that judgement all the time too. I have a son with ASD and I know people have taken pleasure in saying it's my fault he has some challenging behaviours, the single mother stereotyping. I even had by typical white middle-class Christian neighbour over here the other night verbally abusing me telling to teach my son some social skills!!! Of course their children do no wrong and they completely turn a blind eye to the lies their boys tell about my son, as he too, like us is a target, in the vulnerable minority. Disgraceful that this man is so smug in his "perfect" family, and of course I am the evil "single mother". Of course no mention that I am more educated than this man (I am on to my third university degree)and that I have an excellent job, however I am on leave for study at present, because people like him and your brother feel better about themselves when they can label other people and search for their faults. You hold your head up high lovethyself. You obviously have had the courage, strength and intestinal fortitude to take your boys out of a bad situation and try and make a good life for them. That doesn't mean life won't have lots of challenges for you, or that ignorant people will not judge, but you hold in your heart the pride and respect that you deserve. Stuff other people. As for the boys, you have the opportunity to teach them how women should be treated and their behaviour is not acceptable anymore. This is a new life and there are new rules. Having said that, don't sweat the small stuff, they are kids. I think though single mums are very sensitive to their children's behaviour because of feeling judged. I know kids from nuclear families that behave ten times worse than mine, but I worry so much about what people will think of me as I am a single mum. As for you, get some support if you can. Places like the Family Centre also offer programmes for children too, so that may help. And most of all, try to find some humour in it all xx.
By lovethyself
#8899
thanks barnabyandjones, i read this before i went out thismornign and it made me feel better....i am on an intake waiting list to get some inhouse help, but who knows how long that will take.. i have always told other people to call lifeline etc. maybe i should take my own advice.
i had a chat with my mum today, we have had a strange relationship, but i feel finally after meeting my boys and really seeing and hearing what i have been through and come from she is ready to listen and not judge.. my boys are 6 and 5, the 6yo is coming off epileptic medication, (siezure free over 2yrs, yipee) but we all feel he has some other underline issues, he was diagnosed innatentive adhd a yr ago but he settled down after we moved and so we all thought maybe it was just the surroundings, but he seems to be having some of those issues again. so i am trying to get that sorted..

i went and saw mum today, it was a long day for me, she live an hours drive and i have to pack toys etc to keep the boys occupied, they didnt shut up or stop eating all day, then they got ferrel, they started to fight in the car, arms and legs going everywhere, so i pulled over into the emergency stopping lane on the motor way, put my hazzard lights on, turned the engine off, took the keys out the car, and hopped out, i sat on the bonnet for 5mins with my back towards them. they stopped fighting but started playing, i told them i cant drive safely if you are going to fight..

i get at a loss sometimes, well quite a lot of times really, people say "i dont know how you deal with it" honestly i dont know either, but i love them, i want to protect them and they deserve more in life. i hate screaming and having a noisy household, i hate neighbours and onlookers judging me, i am doing the best i can with them, but what do you do when you honestly dont know what to do, (if that makes sence).
i feel i am at a stage where i am over it, i have house rules and i try to regulate them, but at the end of the day i am a single mum with not much support, i like to think of myself as invinsible but i know im not. to save my own sanity i let a lot of things slide...

sometimes i wonder why am i going through this, i am 42, a grandmother at that, i should be working with a totally different lifestyle, but im not, i have 2 high maintenance boys and i am on my own, i didnt plan on having more kids adn i certainly didnt plan on being on my own, but i am. it has taken me 5yrs to accept that this is my life, i have had to force myself to love my boys, to not resent them and to see them for the lovely little people that they are, they didnt ask to be born into abuse or have the conditions they have..
i just feel so alone sometimes, i dont miss having a man in my life but i do miss having male friendship... i enjoy being single, but i do wonder if the boys need some positive male influence in their life, a father figure that dosnt judge them, who loves their mum and show them that men do respect and love women, and that abuse and alcohol are not in the home..

i can type all night, but i feel myself rambling..
i feel better tonight but i can feel things slowly creeping up on me again..
By barnabyandjones
#8909
It is so hard isn't it? I have felt so much like you and very alone. I am 42 also and have a 17th month old and an 11 year old. I didn't plan to be alone either. I think I was in shock for some time. Dad left when my daughter was 10 weeks old. And both of my parents died within ten months of each other, my daughter being born and parter leaving in the middle of it all. I had some very dark days indeed. I think the hardest thing is feeling there is no repreive in sight, and for all the emotional, financial and physical drain, there seems to be little given back in return. I think maybe it's a good idea to write about it (if you get time lol!!!) and let all of those thoughts and feelings out of your mind. Can you get any afterschool care for one or two days per week? Just something to give you a little more space for you. I know the local PCYC does after school care plus runs things like Futsal and Hip Hop which the children can do in the afternoon. Have you thought about a Mental Health Plan? Having someone to offload to and that has a fresh perspective on things is really helpful. Maybe getting some more information on your little boy who has needs might help, a diagnosis of something else maybe? I know when my son was that age, he was firstly diagnosed with adhd, which I was sceptical about so I got more than one diagnosis. Then it became apparent something else was going on and he was diagnosed with ASD. That didn't change his behaviour, but it made me understand it a lot better and realise that I was dealing with a physiological difference rather than a child with behavioural issues. The diagnosis probably helped me more than him!!!! There are lots of really good people on this site, all have their own stories to tell, so keep writing here and sharing. I wonder if we beat up on ourselves about how other people judge us. My friend said to me recently "being a single mother is the hardest job in the world" spot on, and the most thankless, but we can't quit so we have to support one another and share our stories, good and bad, and find coping strategies. If it is any consolation, my son has improved out of sight as he has gotten older. He is more able to regulate his own behaviour now and is growing into a delightful, sensitive, albeit eccentric, young man. When he was your boys' age, even up until around 9, life was hellish. I am surprised he wasn't kicked out of school. So hang in there ;)
By honig
#8912
Hi lovethyself,
I'm trying to think of what to say to cheer you up but I know what it's like when I'm feeling like that and unless someone could say 'here is the key to a beach house and some cash to splash' nothing else said is going to work... this too shall pass is a favourite saying, the sun shall shine and the world will be cheery again. So just hang in there and know that you are a great mum and a great person and once you have done everything that is in your power to do you need to find a way to relax and let go, a glass of wine? a yoga dvd? a good chick flick with a box of tissues, I like 'Bridget Jones Diary' and a glass of wine or two.
... your not alone on your own :)