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christmas

PostPosted:Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:40 pm
by dextar
Hi, Im a newly single mum of a 6mth old boy, and am worried about christmas. im just wondering how other people delt with not having there childs father there on thier first christmas
thanks :)

Re: christmas

PostPosted:Wed Dec 12, 2012 10:36 pm
by Mum22
Hi Dextar, welcome to the forum. This year it will be all about you, and making sure that you feel ok with what you do on the day. Your baby is merely 6 months old and wont have the foggest idea about xmas this year, so you can do what ever you want. Do you have any of your family that you can be with? or good friends?

My first xmas with my son was with my parents as I had fled a DV situation just 2 months B4. I had little money, so just bought some nice food for the day, took a few xmassy photo's for the album, and we sat and festered in the heat!

Do you have to accomodate a visit from dad, or will baby go to visit paternal relatives? This can be a difficult time, but again, make yourself busy if baby is absent for any time.
This year I am fortunate to have both my boys with me for xmas day, last year they were both absent. Just something we have to deal with as best we can.

Re: christmas

PostPosted:Fri Dec 14, 2012 4:21 pm
by DelVic
Hi Dextar,

I'm in exactly the same position as you. I have a 6 month old son and should be rejoicing in his first Christmas. I can understand Mum22 saying that such a young baby wont understand Christmas this year, but all I can think about is that this is his first Christmas and his father is not around to see it. His dad has already missed many firsts in 6 months - particularly the ones you want to share with a partner (rolling over, sitting up, getting his first teeth, beginning to crawl) and then I think about all the other firsts that my son will be denied without a dad. I can already hear some others saying you don't need a dad to make these memories special (and it's true) but at this point in time, I think for me that it's all about those "First Moments" which I never imagined being in this way. For this reason, I also think I'm overcompensating.

My son isn't lacking in love with many people/family rallying around him and I'm sure yours isn't either (or christmas presents for that matter - can't help myself spoiling him for his first Christmas even if he wont have any recollection of it) but never did I imagine in my entire life time that my partner would separate with me 6 weeks before the birth of my baby, and that, like last night with my son teething, I would be walking the baby up and down all night to calm him on my own without his dad's support.

I guess I'm lucky my family live in the same town as us, and my sons paternal grandparents about an hour away and who are still quite involved in our lives. However, it was my ex's birthday last week and just remembering how happy we were at this time last year and how we spent the day exactly made me sad. My mother, who only has my well being in her mind nevermind how old fashioned she is, told me that I need to get over it for my son and it's not my fault that my ex doesn't see him.

On the other hand, the paternal grandparents don't see their son (my ex) often any more or his other 2 children (who still don't know they have a brother, btw) so I feel like I've replaced their son and my baby is replacing the other 2 grandchildren. I could only be feeling this way because it is the holidays. They are great people who have done a lot for us in the last 8 months and I wouldn't deny them some kind of Christmas with their grandson, particularly as their ex-daughter in law will never let them see their other grandkids.

My ex was brought up in conversation with my mum today (child support is late) and then I raised the theoretical question about wether he will buy his baby son a present for Christmas? Unlikely I suppose, seeing he hasn't seen his son since he was 2 weeks old for 15 minutes before he fled and never told anyone he was leaving. All up he has seen his son for 45 minutes, no texts, e-mails asking about him.

I can't offer advice, I'm having Christmas with my family but the feelings I've described are still there. You will do what you need to do for you and your little one, don't let others tell you how you should feel or what you should do despite their best intentions for you. I have no doubt that in time, these feelings will pass and my guy and I will make our own traditions for Christmas, and so shall you.

Good luck, best wishes - you and your baby are your own family now so you'll stick together through this and make it the best holiday season you can for one another :)