Childrens divorce and break up issues, normal parenting issues including breast feeding, toddler woes, baby car seats, booster seats, school holiday and party ideas, , teenager problems, adult children flying the coop - or not! The sheer fun of it all is in here...
By Puchilin
#14260
Hi my ex- defacto, it has now been two years since we are living separate..... I should I guess be passed the feeling of fear and mistrust I have towards him especially when I have to see him and do the exchanges of car seats ( he never bothered getting a separate set so each time we have to move the seats from my car to his for one days every two to three weeks so he can take the two daughters 5 and 3 we have between us with him) , but the sick feeling I get when being faced with him and eventhough we don't talk just being near him makes my skin crawl....in any case the reason of em writing today is to seek advise. I don't know who to contact. It has to do with money issues. When we separated he was meant to pay his share of childcare and I my share which I did. Six months down the road I find out through childcare he had not paid his share and that there was now an arrears of 7850 dollars, childcare try contacting me to no avail he never answered their calls etc in any case in order to keep my children at childcare and keep my job and organised a payment plan. The reason he gave me was the usual I can't get a full time job am trying my hardest blah blah I can only pay when I can full of lies ....... In any case through this payment plan a year later the debt is nearly paid off by me this is on top of the normal payments of childcare that I make, then for before and after school care, food, other school fees, clothes etc........even child support struggles to get payments out of him on time....... Talking about child support he now missed two months of payments telling me via email not the. That the reason why he has not been paying is because poor him can only get two days work a week but that the good news is that he has been offered a fulltime job which will mean regular hours and which starts in a months time?...!,,,,, which means he will be three months behind in child support payments plus owe me a years worth of childcare payments which I am sure I will never the the money again.....he makes me so sick such lack of responsibility such lack of morals or any decency....... Child support has advised me to not contact him about money so these private emails I will not acknowledge and ignore he can tell child support not me as to why he can't meet his payments ...... I don't even know what my question is here anymore. I just don't know who to ask about the amount of arrears I had to pay which was his debt not mine will I ever see it back? Our separation or payment agreements as never court ordered or legal just via mutual agreement through a private mediator. It is a lot of money to lose which I need to pay bills to keep the kids fed entertained etc.......I don't know anymore. Feel like I also will not be seeing the money he owes to child support...... He has worked for himself for the last 5 years.........so who know..... I am sorry I am feeling emotionally defeated and alone in this. Any personal experiences with this or advise ideas would be most helpful. Thank you
By Mum22
#14261
HI Puchilin, I am sorry to hear that you have had to struggle through this financial mess over the past year or so.

From what you've said, the childcare payment arrangement was one between the two of you, and you have paid that off now, I am sorry to say but I think that you would have very slim to no chance of getting any money out of him for that. If you have no defined court orders, and if you are entitled to the full amount of CCB & CCR, then you should receive those government payments, leaving your out of pockets for the balance only. THAT is what he would pay you half of (if he was going to, which clearly he does not intend to).
Now the issue with the car seats - you could make a point and tell him that you are not longer willing to supply him with yours, and he needs to supply car seats for his own car for his daughters, and if he fails to do so, they will not be travelling with him. It is, of course something he ought to have done straight away, but you've managed for this long, and it may 'seem' unreasonable for you to now change your behaviour.

The Child Support debt IS something that you should be able to chase up, as it goes through the external agency - it sits now at 2 months, likely to become 3, but I can tell you that typically, the CSA does not chase debt until it gets to be well over $10,000 - however, if there is a CS debt, the monies are taken from a persons tax return (IF they do their tax returns!), so IF he does not pay up in time, you may receive the money at the end of the financial year once his taxes are submitted. ANY CS money owed is taken first, before he will receive his tax return payment.

I am sorry, I know this is not what you want to hear, but so many of us live in hope that the ex partner will 'come good' but many of them do not. Some men think that Child Support payments cover everything and no other money should ever be paid out for their own children, some men are better than that and recognise that kids have needs regardless of where they spend most of their time.

Start to budget as if you will never see any money from him, and know that if you do, it'll feel like a bonus, but you will incur the 50% MIT clawback from your FTB payments.

You are working, which is great for your family situation, it is tough, but it can be done. Each time you purchase things for your girls that their dad should be paying for, know that you are a great mum and a great provider for them, and you are capable of giving them what they need.
By Puchilin
#14263
Thank you. I already had the feeling that this was the case. I guess in a way I make my point of not packing their nice clothes nor shoes when they go and see him for the day since the last thing I want is for them to leave them there or lose them. And yes you are right in the past when I used to waste my time reminding him of all I was paying plus his arrears etc he played dumb saying he thought that the child support payments would cover everything including what he owed in arrears ( r men really so dumm? Or do they just like to play dumb? ) I have 3 girls, my eldest is now 16 and the two little ones that are his. Girls do not come cheap the older they get the more expensive it gets. I know no point just sad this pretend caring I mean I assume I guess he really does care about his daughters but just was never willing and still is not willing to put in the hard yards or take responsibility or anything still playing the victim card. I know I am not the only one I guess some days are easier than others and I try my absolute best to give all three of them the best I can with what I have and I am grateful I am able to wake up with them every morning, see them grow, lose their first tooth, give them the unconditional love they deserve. Like I said some days even weeks r harder than others and obviously I can't always be the happy go lucky mum sometimes I am cranky mum ...... Thanks so much for your responds