Childrens divorce and break up issues, normal parenting issues including breast feeding, toddler woes, baby car seats, booster seats, school holiday and party ideas, , teenager problems, adult children flying the coop - or not! The sheer fun of it all is in here...
By Puchilin
received an email from my exdefacto from whom I have been now separated for over 2 years

Would like to have girls this weekend. From Saturday afternoon to Sunday.

Also can we please try and sit down and talk about things. I want to be a full time father not a part-time one.

Now that I have a full time job again I won’t have the stress and worry about how much work I’m getting and doing the long irregular hours, so I will be able to get regular about all things in life including being a good friend to you and Xxxx(my eldest daughter) and hopefully being a happy little family together again.

Can we please at least give it a try?


Is he really asking what I think he is asking or am I going crazy ? There is no way I would ever consider living together again??? Why can't he just understand that No means No!!!
By scorpio171
is he asking you back? I don't think any of us can answer this for you without knowledge of your past. However It's up to you what kind of relationship you do have with him and your children. Hopefully you have court orders in place. However I am sure talking is a step closer to a better relationship for all concerned regardless if you become a couple or not.
By Puchilin
We don't talk we can't talk he can't argue or have a proper discussion about anything.
He was very abusive and a bully when it came to my eldest daughter who at the time was 13
And going through the changes to the point where I had to move her in with my sister he blamed us breaking up on her never took responsibility nor apologised to her face to face. I know she is not his daughter but that still gave him no rights to treat her the way he did. I had to force him out of my place at the time the whole thing had me have a mental breakdown and at the time he was threatening towards me and never lifted a finger when it even came to our two girls but he was good at crying poor me and having a tantrum when he did not get what he wanted. He has not changed and never will. I am not prepared to put my kids all three of them through any further changes. I worked hard to provide them with stability routine and give them a home where to feel safe am not about to risk that. He does not want us, he wants what he wants and of course see his kids which I understand but it is too broken. We would need to go through months and months of rigorous counselling it is over it is the past. Not sure what him now having a fulltime job makes up and excuses any of his unpredictable behaviour. His email just triggered a lot of unresolved fear from my past with him.
By Mum22
...or maybe he does not want the Child Support Agency to make an assessment now that he has miraculously found full-time work?

Be suspicious Puchilin, very suspicious!!

Perhaps he has finally weighed up what a piece of work he was 2 yrs ago, and realises how super good you were to him.

Perhaps he thinks "full-time job = money = can now provide = she'll take me back" with no thought whatsoever for his awful behaviour...

It does seem like a lot of words from him all in one go doesn't it!!

Still, maybe he'll flirt with you, buy you and the kids lots of goodies and try to make up for 24 months of poor performance...or maybe he just wants to trick you into signing away any CS owed...?
Sorry P, I am super aware and alert love, you've worked hard, don't let one email send you back 2 years...

Do you need him? want him? Kids adjust survive and are resilient, make sure you know what YOU want. Counselling may help to give perspective and options - if you can find the time to attend!!

You might choose to be pro-active an ask him - What is it that you want? - let him sate his case and be frank with you - if he dare...
By Puchilin
It made me feel sick reading the whole email and I agree with you Mum22. I read and re-read the email and the way it made me feel plus all the anxiety it dragged up I knew in my heart that it was all BS. I noticed there were a lot of words used such as I want I need I want it is all about his needs. The kids are in a routine that works they have a place they can call home. I moved us into a new home away from the past. Yes he is interestingly now blaming him not having a fulltime job with regular hours for being verbally abusive and threatening in the past.
There is no way in this lifetime I would let him sponge of me again and risk losing my sanity and everything I have built up over the last two years again. I rather risk him never paying childsupport again then let him into my life again. He does not even know what is best for his two little girls. The trust is lost and I don't trust him and he has proven over and over again that I can't rely on him.
I thank GOD for giving me the strength two years ago to push through the fear and throw him out of my place. The whole ordeal nearly cost me my full sanity and my job at the same time.