Childrens divorce and break up issues, normal parenting issues including breast feeding, toddler woes, baby car seats, booster seats, school holiday and party ideas, , teenager problems, adult children flying the coop - or not! The sheer fun of it all is in here...
User avatar
By Mama22
#15224
I have sole care of my daughter and I always have, but nothing in Court Order saying this.

My daughter will be starting child care as I'm returning to work.

I have concerns for our safety and her dad is an evil, manipulative person that scared me like no one ever has. I asked the child care to always let me know if there were any suspicious visitors or enquirers about her. They said all visitors, such as my parents that I've given authority to collect her will always have to show their ID when they pick her up, but, if her father goes there, and he proves he is the father, they can't stop him from taking her.

Is this right?? I am absolutely petrified he does something stupid, or gets someone to being the nasty piece of work he is that's hell won't on hurting me.
By LawMum
#15225
So sorry to hear what you're going through. It sounds like you made a good decision to leave him, well done for that.
I believe it is true. The manager at my kids childcare centre happens to be a lawyer too and he said the same thing.
Get a Family Violence Order to restrain him from going there. Only a court order (FVO or Family Court order) will be enough for the childcare to refuse him access. But I would avoid family court if you can - you run the risk of them giving him access as family violence is not exactly taken seriously, in my experience. So call a domestic violence outreach service and see if they can help you with the FVO process.

Best of luck.
LawMum
User avatar
By Mama22
#15226
Hi LawMum,

Thanks for your comments.

It's just not that easy in my situation. I have tried to get an IVO on him, and I had evidence up to my ears on the abuse I took from pregnancy until birth. It wasn't accepted by the Magistrate?

I tend to strongly suspect he knows everyone in there, even more than any other Court because that's where he is all of the time. There was even comment from one that he had been briefed by him and his father when he was a barrister, and I would struggle to find anyone in there that hasn't. And then there are the police that he knows.

Honestly, I had never been more afraid in my life and that was when I knew he had me with my hands tied. At the time, my children and I were living in Motels we were so afraid. That Court and all Courts really, are his playground and just another way he can exert his control over me and continue to abuse me in any way he likes with impunity. It scared everyone around me that has witnessed his behaviour from pregnancy to that point, but it was as though I was speaking to members of his family that simply didn't want to accept what was in front of them about them about him in black and white.

It took many weeks to even get in for an Interim order and application, I called most of the lawyers in this state and they refused to represent me as they said they are friends with him and/or his dad, and even legal aid got a letter from him taking issue with them representing me because he is on the board. Legal aid said it isn't a conflict of interest, but I could tell they got afraid after that. I felt stonewalled by everyone in there. Meanwhile, he is my former lawyer that represented me on Domestic Violence, and he was merely told that he can't represent himself, but it didn't stop him once, and the lawyer I had that was acting as a "friend of the Court", never stopped him.

After all of my evidence wasn't accepted, I then got a call saying he was served with the Order? There were so many twists and I had no idea what was happening. After the way all of my evidence was treated I ended up withdrawing my application as it felt hopeless with no real lawyer, no rules or laws that he followed, no Magistrate that seemed to be willing to ever make a finding against him, no power at all. If I continued, I felt like I would just be giving him more power to hurt us and the belief that he can do whatever he likes to us with support from his fraternity. I faced every barrier to justice and I have never experienced anything like it when I have applied for an IVO. He even altered evidence, which he never filed with the Court, but sent to my lawyers to say were sms's that I sent to him, which I never did. All I sent were photos of his daughter, and begged him to meet her or give us medical information, and that was seen as harassment because he wanted an abortion.

I was told by one police officer "he has every right to be angry because he wanted an abortion". It makes you question your sanity.... and the way the Courts acted, I think that's truly their mentality also, and they sympathise more with his aggression than with me. He has never hid how angry he is because I didn't do what he wanted, and they couldn't care less about our welfare.

It has been an absolute nightmare dealing with him with no one to help us. I wouldn't call the police or turn to the Courts for protection from him after what I've experienced. He is always going to be protected. I have got IVO's in the past, and I can tell you, that if I had the evidence I do on my daughters father, they would have gave me the IVO straight away and protected us physically, psychologically and financially. It's just a whole different story up against a white male, well-known lawyer. No matter what they see, they will always protect him like a member of the family they will refuse to believe could do any wrong, and even if they do see it, they don't care and resent me for bringing it up. I guess they may think that brings the profession into disrepute more than his behaviour and what the community have seen from him.

It's the worst feeling in the world to get abused, especially when they say hurtful things about your children, but it's absolutely terrifying when they get support from the Courts to do it, and the most powerful people in the community. I know my hands are tied. I have a very good support network that makes me feel safe, a great family and very educated families that I am close to, many of which are lawyers and have been absolutely disgusted by his conduct and what he has been allowed to do. Many lawyers are disgusted and shocked by it, but no-one is brave enough to take on another lawyer. I have had some very good ones also though, I'm sure if I didn't have them there's no end to how much he would have destroyed mine and my children's lives right now. Him and his father have acted very maliciously towards my support because he knows they're the only thing protecting me and my children from completely being destroyed by their crooked ways.


Also, I have seen a number of reports coming out of the Courts saying that, specifically women, are applying for IVO's to use against the father in Family Court. So once again, it's as though women are getting stereotyped and cases already have preconceived notion about a women's intentions and a man's evidence prior to cases being heard. So many women die from domestic violence, but it's still spoken about a great deal less than male suicide, and parental alienation, and other ideas thought up by the men's rights groups, which currently seems to be that if a women doesn't have an abortion then it's a unilateral decision and the man is abdicated from all responsibility for the pregnancy and child. How about men take sexual responsibility too like education about safe sex? I know my son is going to be very educated in that area about sex and protection, and responsibility for your actions.

Sorry, turning into a rant again. And apologies for how many typo's are in the post, I wrote it in bed from my phone last night.

I've learned to now live in fear this last year, and I know that mediation centre's, psychologists and even the social worker will give me an exemption because everyone else sees how dangerous he is except for his colleagues. It's not good to live in fear, but I am trying to take smart precaution's still. If he went near her, straight away I would report him for kidnapping and have to go to the Court. This is someone that has said he resents her being born, which destroys a part of my heart every time I have to hear it, it's not someone that wants to take her to the park and hug her. It breaks my heart that the person, the only person, that actually wants her to have the worst start to life, is her own father. It's not meant to be like that. Your parents are meant to be the ones that love and protect you more than anyone else in the world. I don't care about what he does to me, it's only my daughter and protecting my children emotionally and physically from him and his friends. I really don't understand how everyone around him could give him so much support. What he has done is wrong both morally and legally, but I must be missing something, because they do. I guess now it is fine for a man to demand an abortion, and to do anything he likes to get out of responsibility. If a women doesn't do what we're obligated to do such as put him on the certificate, child support etc. we're punished, if we do then we're forcing him into fatherhood, if we don't send photo's we're alienating the father, if we do, then we're harassing him.... We just have to shut up and take what ever punishment we get is the basic lesson I've learned. Which is why I just focus on my children and the love around us instead of thinking about the injustices I've seen and experienced. It could have been worst, and it would have been had I not had the love and support of family and the community, so I thank God everyday I have my babies in my arms to kiss and hug.
By Jessica Limbrick
#15229
This is indeed true, even at school they cannot stop him, but i asked the school if they could let me know if he tried and they said they could and that they can try to stall him asking questions and such. Maybe you can ask if they can call u and try to stall him. So far ive been lucky he hasnt tried.
By SinglGent89
#15232
Just notify the day care staff and also your lawyers if there involved and be vigilant maybe home schooling may be safer and give you more peace knowing she is by your side always. I'm so sorry this piece of work is harassing and threatening you like this what a sociopath xx