This aside our next issue is that we are unhealthy- as in we fight in an unhealthy way… I’m talking name calling (both guilty), insane jealously (his end), insecurities (his end), throwing/slamming breaking things (never each other). It stems from the fact that we both had horrid up brings and have demons of our past we need to fix in order to be in a happy healthy relationship. I am able to do this because i see it as a problem – he isn’t and doesn’t. I have tried approaching him explaining that i think it is unhealthy (and saying its both of us not placing blame) and he tells me I’m over reacting (even when i insist I’ve never been in a relationship that has had things like this happen before or where i have behaved this way- its our relationship that brings it out in me). Ive expressed many concerns about this not being the example i want my son to grow up having.. as this is example my partner and i both had and we have scars from it that i do not wish to pass on to my son.
Our next issue is that he won’t settle down that that our son is here. He is a horrible drinker – not in the alcoholic sense but in the ‘i turn into a complete asshole and treat you bad when i drink’ way. He knows its an issue and has admitted it is one but refuses to stop drinking (occasionally doing party drugs) no matter how much i voice my dislike about it. And I’m not talking a few beers for a special occasion kind of thing- cause id be fine with that. I’m talking he needs to go out fortnightly and get shitfaced or he will ‘go crazy’ as he says. To me thats just not healthy- nor is it still a mind frame you should have once you have a family. side note of the fact that every time we fight or he has any other emotional issue he turns straight to substances as a coping strategy – always drinking, occasionally party drugs. This is a big red alarm for me as i grew up in a substance abuse home and its not what i want for my son.
Im tried of continually voicing my concerns and having them not heard. I love him dearly and the prospect of being a single parent is scary but I’m beginning to think its best for my son if we are apart (even if its just for a few months for him to sort himself out). At what point do i stop trying to make it work? are 2 happy homes better than one unhealthy one?